Forgive me
by John M. Nox
Summary: On the worst day of his life, Yamamoto Takeshi decides to leave and never come back again but before he writes a letter adressed to all of those that helped him with the burden that was being in love with someone you can't have. 8059
1. Takeshi's POV

"Forgive me"

I'm writing this letter as I'm getting ready to leave everything behind: my friends, my family but most importantly my love. Well, I don't think I can call it "love" if you, the guy I love doesn't love me back. Many times I've tried to forget you, to throw away and erase every memory I have of you, of your silver hair, of your usual tabaco and cinnamon scent and of your piercing eyes that make me want to get lost in your stare. Even as I write this I don't seem to be able to get the idea that you don't love me inside my head, my mind keeps getting a hold of this stupid fragment of hope that keeps whispering me to hang on and to give you a chance. Years went by of me just staying quiet, not saying anything that might break our all-ready fragile friendship, always staying a few feet away from you fearing that you might hear my heart skip a beat every time you turned to look at me with your intense eyes.

I guess this feeling started when we were seventeen years old, since Tsuna had gotten himself a girlfriend you didn't spend as much time with him as before which made me smile because I liked being around you. Just walking down the street, you smoking a cigarette and me trying my hardest not to get in the way of the smoke coming out of your mouth mad me extremely happy. It wasn't until I found myself every night having dreams of your lips being all over me instead of that cigarette that I knew I wanted you, yes I came to realize that I wanted you but I still didn't know I loved you; No, the love came a few months later when I first saw you hanging out with that girl, going out to the movies or to get some ice cream, at first I thought-no, I hoped that it wouldn't last, that it would take a couple of days for you to see that that girl wasn't right for you……..but it didn't.

And so I was forced to sit back and watch the man I had come to love put his arm around that girl's shoulders, to blush every time she said something 'cute' about you or when you kissed in public. It was getting harder and harder for me to see you together so I started making up excuses that let me just stay at home looking at the picture I had of you and me in that day where it started to snow and we had snowball fights, me kicking your ass because of my baseball training and you yelling at me for cheating. God, I miss that day, I wish I could go back to that day and tell you how much I love you and how I want to be with you for the rest of my life…..thinking about it that wouldn't be such a good idea since back then you were still pretty harsh and would've probably thrown a dynamite stick at me.

If there is anything I like about your relationship with that woman it's probably the fact that since you started seeing her, you became softer and if possible a little more sensitive. You smiled more, which made me smile more. I have so many mental pictures of you smiling, you have such a beautiful smile it makes me sigh every time I think about it. But still, I can't turn back time and tell you how I feel, it's too late. That is why I've taken the decision of taking off, just disappearing from the face of the earth, I know bottling up my feeling isn't going to help me but I can't help it, the thought of knowing that you will never be mine and only mine breaks my heart beyond repair. I try to convince myself by saying that if you love someone you have to let them go, but I can't let go, it's just too hard! I feel as if letting go of you would just break me.

Tsuna, Kyoko, I wish you two the best, I know there's a baby coming for you and I'm sorry I won't be there to teach him how to play baseball but please know that I'll always think of you two as two of my best friends. You were the only ones that knew how much I loved Hayato, you helped me when it became tough; Tsuna you were always there for me by saying things that made me appreciate what I had and you Kyoko, you were the one that brushed off my tears those nights where the pain was harder than ever, I know what I'm doing is extremely selfish but please try to understand me……..I'm so tired of holding back the tears, specially today, where all hope of me and Hayato being together disappear. Once again, I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me for doing this.

Ryohei-sempai, I would also like to thank you, you were the one that kept my mind distracted by inviting me to go jog with you or train with you. I know you're probably not going to forgive me and I know that if you ever see me again you'll probably give me the beating of my life for being such a coward. Love id painful sempai, I hope that you'll never have to find out how painful it can be but it is, I can't take it any longer, I admit I'm a coward but I need to do this…….I know it's selfish to ask for this but please try to understand.

Haru, I don't hate you, nor do I want you dead. Today when you walk down the aisle with that white dress you designed yourself and that loveable smile I want you to please try not to hate me either. I just have one thing to ask you………..please take care of him, Hayato loves you. I can tell by the way he looks at you, by the way he puts his arm around you when he sees you shiver. I know I'm ruining your wedding day but I can't hold back anymore. I have to get away as far from you as possible, not because I hate you but because I have to, sorry.

Hayato, I love you, I'd like to at least be able to write that down somewhere that you can read it and I guess that place is this letter. I love you so much it has come to this, to me running away from how intense my feelings for you are. I promise I will never come back since you will probably hate me because of what I'm doing, I love you……..and I hope you can forgive me. Have a happy wedding Hayato.

Well, it's getting too hard to keep writing and its almost time to for me to go to the airport so I guess I'm going to end this now. I love you all and I wish you the best.

I hope you can forgive me

Takeshi

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**Well, sorry for it being so short. I wanted to write more but then it would've been a really long goodbye letter.**

**I suck at writing angst, don't I? I promise that this will be my last angst story unless……………………ten people review this then I'll write a second chapter for this one, a very short one though from Hayato's POV. Well I guess that's all.**


	2. Hayato's POV

Forgive Me

Chapter Two

It is amazing how something so small like a letter with a few words written can change my world so rapidly, a few hours ago I was about to get married to whom I thought was the only one for me but now, I'm behind the wheel of my car breaking every speed limit in my way, barely avoiding every car and almost running over a few dogs and not to say a few people. I'm surprised the cops aren't chasing me, either they're really incompetent or I'm going so fast they can't catch me…..I'm rambling so I can't give it much thought since right now my head is full of thoughts of what I'm going to do when I find that bastard called Takeshi!

I was about to start waiting down the aisle for Haru when, right before I open those big, white double doors Tsuna grabs my hand and takes me away. I immediately ask for an explanation since the look of concern he had on his face wasn't something so common in him; my mind immediately starts thinking the worst like Haru is getting cold feet, Kyoko just got into labor or the fucking ice sculpture is melting. Yes, my mind starts thinking many bad things that could ruin what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life but when Tsuna merely looks away and hands me over a letter with my name written on it I frown and start reading. I had to read the damn thing at least seven times in order to convince myself of what was happening was true and this wasn't a dream, but it was becoming a nightmare.

My best friend couldn't be at my wedding because he couldn't see me being happy with someone else that wasn't him, now that was something shocking, not to say selfish, which is a word I can't relate to Takeshi; that bastard is always thinking of someone else but now…..now it's different. I was speechless and I swear I could almost feel my heart stop beating, I guess I never realized how Takeshi felt about me, nor do I think I feel the same way…..do I? All I know for sure is that I don't want to loose him; that's not exactly "love" but I'm sure it's something. I don't know what I'm going to say to him, you know, after I beat the living daylights out of him for walking away all I know is that I have to do something for him to stay.

I want to have a life where Takeshi's present, that's all I know. That's not much but its something, I have to let Takeshi know that. My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of my cellphone, I turn to look at my right and I see the little gadget vibrating with the screen being lit up by the inner lights, I use my hand to grab it and I struggle to keep up with the speed I'm going and talk at the same time, the second I answer I hear the voice of my other best friend, Tsuna.

"Hayato, I have to talk to you…I-It's about Haru" His voice was broken, like he was holding something very important and stuttering because of it.

When I hear the name 'Haru' my heart skips a beat, my mind starts remembering how, after reading the letter I take a few seconds to digest the powerful words that came with it. After that moment is over, I stand up with only one thing on my mind: to get Takeshi back. I look for my brunette friend and when I find him I only say four words 'I need to go', I remember he looked at me with eyes that said he knew I was doing something wrong but he still backed me up, after all, he too cared for Takeshi deeply. I guess the consequences of what I was doing hadn't hit me up until now, I immediately feel awful for what I've done to Haru and to the rest of my friends but for the strangest reason I don't regret it and my mind keeps saying 'It was necessary' the more I keep saying that to myself the safer I feel with my decision it's strange because I love Haru, don't I?

"Tell her I'm sorry, but I have to do this" I answer, I hear silence from the other side of the line, for a second there I thought he had hung up when I hear him take a deep breath, then he talked again, this time even more softer.

"It's not that…….I-It's……" He can't go on, and frankly I don't think I can listen to the rest of that sentence so I hung up. Of course I felt awful for Haru but I know her, I know she'll understand, besides, it's not like I'm dumping her for another man…………it's just that I want to have Takeshi by my side, not just now but for the rest of my life. Damn, this is starting to sound more and more like the vows you say when you get married and not to someone you think of as your best friend, "best friend" huh? Is Takeshi really only my "best friend", no, he's more than that. This I'm doing right now isn't something I'd do for a mere "best friend" or at least I don't think it is and then, just for a brief moment I think about what my life would be if I actually start dating Takeshi, part of my mind says to stop thinking about it and the other part just says that for the sake of humoring myself, let's imagine what my life would be if I were to be dating that black haired man.

To be able to kiss him, to hug him or to nibble on his neck while I hear his stupid chuckle; God! Am I getting horny? I guess Takeshi is somewhat hot, well more like….r-really hot and whether I like to admit it or not he is kind of funny and his smile always brings me somewhat of a relief. And back when we were teenagers, he had hugged me several times, and those hugs….those hugs were warm, they were great and wonderful, did I just used the word "wonderful"?. If hugs felt that way back then I become more and more curious over what a kiss would feel like…………………am I blushing!? Unconsciously I step on the accelerator of my car for it to go even faster, I want to get to him faster……Maybe, just maybe I do feel something besides friendship for him.

Images start to come to my mind, images of him and me kissing and making love. My hands all over him and my mouth letting out incomprehensible sounds of pleasure, I'm getting horny again damnit! I need Takeshi, I need to tell him all of this! I need to let him know about this feelings that I have found over him. Suddenly my feelings for Haru start to pale in comparison………suddenly what I thought was love I felt for her has now become a great friendship………she's not just any friend but she's not Takeshi either, and now……………now I know that I want Takeshi, no, I need Takeshi because I love him…….so much.

Finally I reach Ciampino Airport, this has got to be the airport where Takeshi is going to take his flight to wherever it is he's going. What scares me the most is that if I don't catch him now it is highly unlikely I'll find him again since the bastard is very good at disappearing. I run through the doors of the airport, panting because of my heart's beat, security looks at me as if I was about to blow up. Then a problem comes to mind, I don't know where it is he's going, I don't know if he's staying in Italy or if he's going back to Japan………maybe someone else knows, so I look for my cell phone and dial Tsuna's number.

"Tsuna! I need to know where is he or where it is he's going or……or something that can tell me where to find him in this airport!" I panic, I don't want to lose him.

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_Flight 34 heading for Paris, France now boarding in gate 2 _the woman's voice announced through the speaker of the airport.

Somehow that voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I turn to look at my hand where my ticket is. I put a small smile on my face, it is time for me to go and to get away from here, find somewhere where the pain decreases just a little. Imagining my life without Hayato is so hard, that was what I was thinking about before the voice woke me up, he was my best friend and I liked spending time with him, it seems I'm nothing without him…..I'm pathetic, aren't I? Well I guess there's no point in hiding it, I love him and I can't have him………it's sad but it's the reality.

I'm the last one in the line to get on the airplane, my only bag in my hand because I wasn't planning on taking much since a lot of my stuff reminds me of Hayato, I'm just taking a few clothes and a picture of everyone: Tsuna, Kyoko, Ryohei, Lambo, I-Pin, Fuuta………….damn there's so many people I'm walking away from. But I keep telling myself it's necessary……..sometimes life just isn't fair.

"Takeshi!" A voice yells from the other side of the room, that voice seemed extremely familiar so in disbelief I turn to look at the source of it and I'm extremely surprised to see that person……"Haru" I say in disbelief as I watch the woman in front of me with her makeup all wrecked probably because of the tears she shed and wearing the white dress she designed herself, people are staring, wondering what a bride is doing in the middle of the airport "What are you doing here?"

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**Another cliffhanger huh? Well in the beginning this was supposed to be a one-shot then I thought about doing a second and final chapter with Hayato's POV but then my mind started thinking that a final and third chapter was needed, this time from Haru's POV. Sorry it turned out so long.**

**Mmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder what Haru is doing there? Maybe she has a gun in her purse and wants to shoot Takeshi for ruining his mascara. Well, its going to take another ten reviews to find out XD.**


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